Have finally managed to re-set custard brain back in head after last week’s excesses. Wish book chapters had an attribute called [write_self] that I could attach to them. Trouble is those handlers would probably have a lot of overhead to actually get that running. I don’t have a million monkeys and an ice age to spare. Come to think of it, I don’t need the complete works of Shakespeare either, so I might as well just get on with it by self.

While I’ve been away, nothing of interest has happened at all. Depressing. Last time I was away, Bush decided to bomb Iraq because his dad didn’t finish the job a decade ago and our fire brigades decided to start striking. The closest thing to excitement last week was the regurgitation of ‘Black Rod’ jokes caused by the state opening of parliament (again).

The new James Bond film should be renamed ‘Died Another Death’ - unhappily it has become just another hollywood blockbuster kept afloat by tradition and a forty year legacy that is slandered with each new film. For a better film of a different kind, try Michael Moore’s Bowling for Columbine, proof as if any was needed that everyone in the US should be on Prozac at the very least

Inadvertently wore a Wrox shirt into a computer bookstore and ended up recommending books and answering questions for a while from punters looking at the books on the shelves. Managed to buy one or two myself.

Two presidents got inaugurated today by circumstances as opposed to by merit - a five foot Phillipino to replace Estrada and a six foot yank who wants to be better than his dad. 70,000 people took to the streets to see the former sworn in. Several hundred Texans stood by to watch the American. Go figure.

Left UK to the sounds of snoring and me swearing at the smashed glass on the living room floor at 3 in the morning. Evaded Bombay hawkers by exiting international terminal the other side of the building and running under cover of luggage trolley to the free bus. Arrived Bangalore 24 hours after I left house.

Not much changed since December. Same junk on table, same lack of anything vaguely edible in the fridge. Same cleaner knocking on the door at 8.00am. Managed a smile from her (finally, after three months) by telling her not to come until Monday.

Discover the jackass—sorry, that’s Governor Bush—has been officially recognized as president-elect. Oh ’rah ’rah.

Woke to news that ‘Mr. Charisma’ has conceeded the presidential race to the redneck, twenty crocodiles have died on a farm in Kerala, and that local popstar Rishi Prasad (who?) considers his main rivals to be Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley. Typical day so far then.

Emids finish banglinux.com and start on its sister site for the Mumjava conference. Of course it’s not actually up yet because the UK still hasn’t sorted out the server. Three hours later Vijay remembers the site and tells Emids they haven’t finished yet. Emids not happy. Phone me. I phone Vijay. Vijay not happy. Now I not happy either. Over the sake of a **!$$! font. Eventually resolve situation with much bitter taste in mouth. It’s up to the UK now. As head cook, the broth is now with the servers.

Tried to eat worst approximation of full English breakfast ever made available on offer in a hotel restaurant. Only just managed the fried egg, but even the toast is grim, with all the texture of pre-chewed gum stuck under a desk for five days. Also, looks like everyone is suffering from the fish.

US Indecision 2000 spinning into buffoonery. First recounts are allowed, then they aren’t. Now we wait until Tuesday to find out which. Letterman has it right - the best thing about this is that neither Bush nor Gore are currently president. Imagine some Americans are saying ‘Cheque please’ and leaving before a pointless five year term begins in January.