Wake at nine for wedding at ten. Realise that Sri Lanka is in different time zone from India and dress faster than Taz spins. Wedding is delayed however as groom is hung over after drinking until 4am, bride has broken out in nervous rash, hotel seems to have forgotten we exist, band is late, and almost the whole wedding party are reluctant to leave the comfort of the shade for the wedding plaza that’s already 35 degrees and rising. Bride and groom are led out separately by local dancers loudly enough that some pool-based sun worshippers come to investigate. Wedding register is signed and Sri Lankan ceremony begins eventually blessing the next seven generations of the Coombes-Pearson connection. Many photos are taken and many requests are made of other hotel guests to get out the damn way of our taking the photos. Proceedings end with new couple taking trip on elephant named Molly round the pool area to the Ocean.

Birmingham City lose the Worthington Cup to Liverpool 5-4 on penalties and we lose track of lunchtime. Console self with swim in the Ocean and come out only when the staff call me out. Am I obviously burning up? No. An ex-canine has just been washed up on shore about five metres away. Puts a crimp on your day that. Excellent post-wedding celebratory dinner lasts much longer than expected and proves that certain members of staff should never be wine waiters.