Braved “the ultimate shopping experience” that is KempFort, a second-class Debenhams inside a building shaped like the castle in the Disney logo. “Just browsing thanks” is not in the sales assistants’ vocabulary unfortunately. “Shirt, sir? ... Track suit, sir? ... Trousers, sir?”. Telling them to go away results in a backing off of no more than three feet until you move to a different section and you become the human baton in an inter-section relay between the floor staff. A walk round the ground floor involved being harangued by no less than six people desperate to sell you something.

At six this evening, the sky turned almost completely magenta for a good five minutes. Wonder if life on Mars goes wow when the sky goes black?