Left UK to the sounds of snoring and me swearing at the smashed glass on the living room floor at 3 in the morning. Evaded Bombay hawkers by exiting international terminal the other side of the building and running under cover of luggage trolley to the free bus. Arrived Bangalore 24 hours after I left house.

Not much changed since December. Same junk on table, same lack of anything vaguely edible in the fridge. Same cleaner knocking on the door at 8.00am. Managed a smile from her (finally, after three months) by telling her not to come until Monday.

Discover the jackass—sorry, that’s Governor Bush—has been officially recognized as president-elect. Oh ’rah ’rah.